I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
