Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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