apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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