they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
