His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
