STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
