there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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