so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
