I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
vagina is talking i cant
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
