Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
