her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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