He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
