apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
