at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
