I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
