the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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