My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
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And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
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I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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