I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
