hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
