when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
