My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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