you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
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I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
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I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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