he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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