I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
