when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
