I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
