i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
