Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
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