first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He did a backflip because drugs
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