Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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