It's like God shit irony all over that family
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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