Who wears a wallet chain?!
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
