Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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