omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
