i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
