i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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