Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
