I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
His hands were made for my vagina.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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