ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
