i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
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If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
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So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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