i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
