big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
