am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
