well you can't waste a boner
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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