Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
