Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
