I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
