Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
