Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.