I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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