Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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