it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
