just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
