I hate all girls vehemently.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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