just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
