i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
