my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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