Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
