so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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