I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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