Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
