I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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