Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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