I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
BRING THE BAGELS
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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