My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
people are starting to question the shark bite story
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
