You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
