I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I wish there were birth control emojis
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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