did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
