so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
