Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
