Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I intend to get homeless drunk
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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