we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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