they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
