You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
