wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
