I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
