I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
