just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
NoShamevember. You game?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
