I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The air was thick with penises
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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