chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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