Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
