That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
