Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
