The maid of honor just puked.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
