Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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