this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
