we're blogging at a bar
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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