East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
